Chores for Children

It's Saturday morning and time to start thinking about those dreaded household chores. But your 5-year-old is glued to the television, your middle-schooler is texting friends, and your teen is howling at the latest, coolest YouTube video. Scrubbing the toilet is not exactly a big draw. And do any of them really care how many layers of dust have collected on the coffee table?

What's a parent to do?

Dividing household chores and getting them done isn't always easy. But there are ways to make chores, well, a little bit less of a chore. Think of it as one-part attitude and one-part approach.

Read on for some tips to guide you.

The Value of Chores for Children

Most experts agree that chores are good for children. For instance, parenting expert and author Jim Fay calls chores for children essential. Here's why: In addition to our needs for physical and emotional safety, love and affection, and healthy amounts of control, he says, we also all need to be needed. That's because we're pack animals by nature.

"If your child never has to raise a finger, that basic need has been stolen away," says Fay, co-founder of the parenting philosophy found at the web site loveandlogic.com. "Children need to feel as though they're a cog in the wheel. But they can't feel that way if they don't have chores and make contributions to the family."

In her book, Raising Compassionate, Courageous Children in a Violent World, Janice Cohn, PhD, cites studies showing that helping others not only promotes higher self-esteem, but increases academic and social skills while decreasing the risk for depression and anxiety disorders.

Elizabeth Pantley, author of eight parenting books, including Kid Cooperation: How to Stop Yelling, Nagging, and Pleading and Get Kids to Cooperate, identifies still more benefits to be derived from chores for children:

According to Roger W. McIntire, PhD, author of Raising Good Kids in Tough Times, "A child has to have some responsibilities. Then by the time they go off to college, you don't have to have a three-hour lecture on the steps of the dormitory."

A professor of psychology at the University of Maryland for 32 years, McIntire witnessed firsthand how a lack of responsibility could influence college students' behavior. As associate dean, one of his jobs was to interview students who had decided to drop out. It turned out that those who were living at home and had all college expenses paid by their parents were one of the highest-risk groups. McIntire theorized that many of these kids felt they had nothing to lose by dropping out. For them, the maxim "nothing ventured, nothing gained" apparently morphed into "nothing invested, nothing lost."

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Maybe you've tried to assign chores to your children but found yourself butting heads more often than not. Or, maybe you're not quite sure whether your child is ready to take on household chores. You can learn from other parents' mistakes.

Many parents insist on perfection at the outset, says McIntire. This can delay dividing household chores, turn household chores into a struggle, or prompt parents to take over when spots are missed on the mirror or the water glasses don't end up on the dining room table.

Kids can do a lot of chores at an early stage, McIntire says, including getting clothes to the laundry or cleaning up after dinner, for example. "We hold back too long because we think they ought to be ready first. But that puts the cart before the horse," he says. The learning is in the doing.

Out of frustration, though, many parents eventually get to the point where they want to suddenly assign some chores for children, saying, "It's time for you to do it." But if perfection is the expectation, a big struggle ensues. And if you consistently redo your child's chores, you may send the signal that it wasn't done well enough -- not a great way to ensure cooperation.

Another common mistake parents make, says McIntire, is to wait until a chore is completed to show appreciation -- or to not praise and encourage at all.

But inconsistency may be what trips up parents the most, according to Pantley. If your kids aren't expected to regularly follow through, she says, they might start putting off chores in the hope that someone else will do it for them.

How to Get Cooperation With Household Chores

The authors of Raising a Self-Disciplined Child: Help Your Child Become More Responsible, Confident, and Resilient offer this advice: "We have found that when parents say, 'We need your help,' children are more likely to respond cooperatively, since they are less likely to interpret the parents' request as an imposition."

Shelly Jefferis, a mother of three who lives in Valencia, Calif., uses a similar approach to household chores. She and her husband have explained to their children that everyone in the family has a responsibility to pitch in. "I still have to prompt and remind," she says, "but it isn't so bad once it becomes a habit."

The parenting experts WebMD talked to say there are ways to keep the nagging to a minimum.

"Create a list of every job it takes to keep a family going," says Fay. Have kids pick out the chores they'd like to do the most -- or at least the ones they'd hate the least. Of course, you may need to ensure that each member of your household is capable of handling the chores they sign up for.

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Create a chores chart with three columns -- one for the list of chores, one for deadlines, and one where you can each make a check when the chore is completed. You might find it easiest to have two lists: one for daily household chores and one for weekly household chores.

Pantley and Fay offer some general guidelines for household chores:

Allowance for Chores

Then there's the million-dollar question: Should your child get an allowance for chores? Most parenting experts say "usually not." That's because the main purpose of an allowance is to teach kids how to handle money.

It's especially important to not tie allowance to chores for younger kids, says Pantley. That's because a younger child may be less motivated by money and simply choose to not do them. Once an older child has established a sense of responsibility, however, money can become a nice motivator for certain chores.

One approach, says Fay, is to put parents' most-hated chores up for the lowest bid. This gets the job done and teaches a lesson or two about a free-market economy, he adds.

Age-Appropriate Chores for Children

How can you know what to expect of your child at what age? If you ask your child to put the forks on the left side of the plate, does she know what you mean and is she physically able to do it? If not, take a step back, says McIntire. Maybe you'll simply start by having your child get the silverware to the table. The point is, he says, you want an immediate payoff for you and your child.

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Most parents, however, underestimate what their kids are able to do, says Pantley. "Keep in mind that a child who has mastered a complicated computer game can easily run the dishwasher." In general, she says, preschoolers can handle one or two simple one-step or two-step jobs. Older children can manage more.

And, as your children grow up and get busy, don't let them off the hook, says Fay. He says to tell them, "I hope you get so quick with your chores that they don't interfere with everything else."

Here is a sample of chores provided by Pantley that will work for many children in these age groups.

Chores for children ages 2 to 3

Chores for children ages 4 to 5

Any of the above chores, plus:

Chores for children ages 6 to 7

Any of the above chores, plus:

Chores for children ages 8 to 9

Any of the above chores, plus:

Chores for children ages 10 and older.

Any of the above chores, plus:

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