Pals in Training

摘要：By Marisa Cohen Getting along with others is a life skill that your kids canlearn。 He‘s sporting a new backpack and is stocked up on notebooks and pencils, butthe most important thing your child may need at school this September is afriend--and not just for helping......

By Marisa Cohen

Getting along with others is a life skill that your kids can learn.

He's sporting a new backpack and is stocked up on notebooks and pencils, but the most important thing your child may need at school this September is a friend--and not just for helping with homework.

Kids who begin the school year with a close pal in their class are far less likely to suffer from emotional distress or academic difficulties than their lonelier peers, reports a University of Maryland study. Researchers followed 242 middle-school students for 2 years and found that a surprising number of them--about one in four--said they did not have a best friend in their grade.

As early as age 2, friends give toddlers and young children a sense of security and confidence. As they grow older, having buddies bolsters children's sense of self-worth, teaches empathy, and helps them develop problem-solving skills.

The emotional benefits of childhood pals extend well beyond the playground days, says Kenneth Rubin, PhD, a professor of human development at the University of Maryland and author of The Friendship Factor. "Having companionship and affection teaches kids how to trust outside the family," he explains. "These skills help in the later development of adolescent relationships."

Here's how to help your child foster healthy friendships:

Create a kid-friendly house.

That doesn't mean buying a state-of-the-art home theater system, says Michele Borba, EdD, author of Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me. Kids just need a special area to call their own. For preschoolers, throw some old clothes and hats in a basket for dress up in their bedroom. Older children can spend hours in a rec room with a stack of board games and a CD player.

Don't hover.

Once a child has hit it off with a like-minded playmate, help them cement the friendship by making yourself scarce. Of course, toddlers need constant supervision, and you should stay within hearing distance of kids younger than 6, but older children need time and space to talk.

Choose quality over quantity.

"Parents often teach younger kids that they should be nice to everyone, but that doesn't mean they have to be friends with everybody," says Kathryn Wentzel, PhD, lead author of the middle-school study and a professor of human development at the University of Maryland.

Having one or two best friends is more closely correlated with staving off depression and loneliness than is overall popularity, according to a University of Maine study of 193 third- through sixth-graders. Children tend to bond with others who share similar traits, says Rubin, so if you spot a potential soul mate at the park or preschool, make a playdate. Do the same for your older child by encouraging her to find pals involved in activities that interest her.

Teach etiquette.

Manners boost confidence in social situations by helping kids know how to approach and interact with others. As soon as children start talking, they can practice "please" and "thank you." One of the most common traits of well-liked kids, Borba says, is that they smile and make eye contact.

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